One of the most powerful tools for avoiding a stressful situation is the Positive No. This tool enables you to say no in a way that maintains control over the situation, but does so in a constructive, assertive way.
The Positive No comes in several forms.
- Say no, followed by an honest explanation, such as, “I am uncomfortable doing that because…”
- Say no and then briefly clarify your reasoning without making excuses. This helps the listener to better understand your position. Example: “I can’t visit our neighbor right now because I promised Jenny I would take her to the playground.”
- Say no, and then give an alternative. Example: “I don’t have time today, but I could schedule it in for tomorrow morning.”
- Empathetically repeat the request in your own words, and then say no. Example: “I understand that you want everyone to partake in the roast beef supper, but I do not eat beef.”
- Provide an assertive refusal and repeat it no matter what the person says. This approach may be most appropriate with aggressive or manipulative people and can be an effective strategy to control your emotions. Example: “I understand how you feel, but I will not [or cannot]…” Remember to stay focused and not become sidetracked into responding to other issues.
Remember; only use this approach in appropriate situations, as discussed in the previous topic.