Here are 27 easy, proven strategies for dealing with difficult people. Guaranteed to work if you look at the part you can control – you! Discover simple tips for how to deal with gossips, whiners, know-it-all’s, exploders and more.
Whether it’s dealing with a difficult boss, dealing with a difficult co-worker or difficult spouse, these strategies will help!
‘No one can get your goat if they dont know where its tied up.’
Zig Ziglar
1. Listen more effectively. Listening is the number one tool in communication, especially when dealing with difficult people.
2. Step back and analyse the situation from an outside perspective. When we are less emotionally involved, the answers come for how to effectively deal with them. Whether dealing with a difficult boss, co-worker, or partner.
3. Ignoring someone never works.
4. Choose your battles. There are times when you have to let it go. Know when to speak up and when to pick your battles.
5. Criticise in person, praise in public. Never publicly criticise someone as you will look like the bad guy and the difficult person will only become more upset.
6. Maintain respect for them even if you disagree or dislike them. At least acknowledge what they say. Think about how you would want to be treated.
7. Seek first to understand then to be understood, especially when dealing with difficult people.
8. People often wont care what you think unless they think you care. At least attempt to see it from their perspective.
9. Maintain high expectations and standards if you are managing this employee. If you dont do this you will be seen as enabling their unacceptable behavior.
10. Strive for greater communication. Often, its not that there isnt enough communication, its that its bad communication. So work on improving your conflict resolution skills. If you are a manager, consider training everyone in conflict resolution. One of the main reasons teams fail is because some of the people on the team dont like each other, or aren’t skilled in handling conflict.
11. Invest in communication skills courses and conflict resolution skills courses to improve the part you can control you.
12. Dont lose emotional control. Antagonists and passive-aggressives will often try to push your buttons.
13. Avoid being around difficult people when theyre in a bad mood. If theyre always in a bad mood, try being around them when they are in a better mood!
14. Accept, change or reject. Know that ultimately you only have three choices. 1) Accept the situation knowing it wont change. 2) Attempt to change your relationship with them by changing how you react. 3) If its really affecting your well being, it may be time to reject the situation and move on.
15. Avoid “but.” No buts allowed! For example, dont follow giving them positive reinforcement with, But on the other hand The word but only negates everything positive you just said.
16. Non-verbally position yourself at their eye level. For example, if they are sitting when you talk with them, sit. If they are standing, stand. Converse at their level.
17. Avoid the word need when possible and use want instead. Saying politely and tactfully, John, I want to have the project in to me by noon so that well meet our deadline. Want is more assertive as long as its in the right tone.
18. Watch your tone of voice. Avoid an autocratic or sarcastic tone. The Latin root of the word sarcasm is sarco; meaning tearing of the flesh!
19. In face-to-face communication, words account for 7 per cent of what people notice and believe about you. Tone is 38 per cent and body language 55 per cent. So a full 93 per cent is tone and body language.
20. Give sincere positive reinforcement when they do something well. Show genuine appreciation. Often difficult people are difficult because they feel unappreciated.
21. Avoid absolutes such as, You always and You never. It puts difficult people further on the defensive.
22. Dont take it personally. Often theyre difficult because of something going on with them.
23. Watch your mental state. Dont let them drag you down. A little of that can be normal but dont allow it to go on.
24. Remember the person who constantly angers you, or constantly intimidates you, controls you.
25. Mutually agree to move on. Agree to disagree. If this isnt possible, at least move on in your own mind.
26. Attempt to understand whats driving that difficult behavior. Get at the root cause, even if you only try to figure it out in your own mind.
27. E + R = 0. Event + Reaction = Outcome. You cant control the event, but you can control the outcome based on how you react or respond. Be careful how you respond. For example, theres the story of the couple who were divorcing. A neighbor said to the wife, Do you think youd ever get back together? She replied, No, because we have said things to each other that are so horrible, that even after apologising they could never be taken back. There’s no way wed get back together. The moral of the story is to be careful what you say. Once those words are out theyre hard to take back.
Copyright 2006 Colleen Kettenhofen
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